Now I Am Free?

This is something I came across while going through old notes from many years ago. 

The mood is melancholy with a touch of cheer? Can that be?

My heart has been on the floor and been trodden, beaten, it remains but sore,

Can you feel what I feel? Have you seen what I've seen?

These eyes of mine are useless within me, am I just being?

To live to dream, if I happen to scream, hold me close . . . please.

I don't seek the answer, because it reveals the end of what I see

A life not lived, a scar not healed, a heart not mended, rain and tears

Forced from within to where I know not, or no, not! It is over.

The beginning has begun but the end lies near. A lifetime in a heartbeat.

It is all hard to believe, for me and for you, we questioned our thoughts.

We doubted our minds, our souls were in the way, our minds ran astray

So we run in the fields, seemed like joy, but we ran apart and then we were alone.

I looked and you came back twice, I ran back to you, we ran again and again alone.

Looking up, the clouds lay dark in midday sun. We tried to walk, but only we run

Too fast we were and neither could keep up, how could it be?

It is just what it is, neither of us could see, this was not about us, well, not me.

You were running fast to get where you were to go, not by my side, now I know

The end is here, but the beginning is here too, what do I choose?

I don't want to choose just yet, I want to hold on so tight, but that isn't right

To say something that could make it good for all is an unattainable feat,

So I move slowly down that journey of life, with these memories that stay

Can I forgive all involved, this thing inside me slowly killing all that I am

What if there was no tomorrow, would emotion be what did me in?

I choose a better path, but often look back and see . . . You.

You do not see me.

My heart is scorched, it burns inside, the agony within me, it does reside

My life fades eventually as my body begins to falter, life is not what it seems,

I curl up in the shadow of light, hiding away from what is there

If I close my eyes, it may just go away, but then memory pulls the trigger,

I die inside