Leggo My Eggo Mutha

Blueberry Eggos by Kelloggs LIMITED SUPPLY!!!

Holy Crap!

Say it ain't so Batman! That's right Timmy, no Eggo for you today! Sounds more like a punchline for a really bad cartoon than a true life reality check for all the eggoholics in the U.S.

It's true, you knew it would happen but never prepared for the worst thing imaginable. There is a limited production of our beloved Eggo's.

Now, when someone yells, "Leggo MY EGGO!" you can be assured that the debate will continue.

The Associate Press reported, Kellogg Co. says there will be a nationwide shortage of its popular Eggo frozen waffles until next summer because of interruptions in production at two of the four plants that make them. - http://www.fox2now.com/news/ktvi-ap-eggo-shortage-111909,0,241314.story

Turns out some bad weather has shut down a couple of their plants.

 

THIS IS HOW THE NEWS HITS HOME AT A TYPICAL AMERICAN RESIDENCE

"What? I don't understand Father, where are my Eggo's?" cries little Billy.

The Father doesn't quite know how to break it to his son. He knows that these morning tradition Eggo's will be sorely missed. He will especially miss little Billy receiving his usual 8 serving (16 Eggo's) morning ritual. Little Billy will be confused as his body goes into withdrawal and shock. He doesn't realise that his body is craving the 7g fat (2.5 sat). 15mg Cholesterol, 380 mg Sodium, and 32g Carbohydrates multiplied 16 times into his gut for body wide fat dispersal. His tiny 4'0 frame and 350 lbs American Made Body will be short on calories for sure without his usual heap. Of course he can still consume the usual toppings such as butter, syrup and powdered sugar. He knows that little Billy will get tired of just the toppings quite fast. How does he tell him?

"Little Billy" his Father shouted from the back of the room.

A sound of growling comes from the distance. Billy appears as a silhouette through the large doorway.

"What is it Father?" spoken softly like a bear.

"Well Billy, I have some bad news. Something horrible has happened and it will be quite sometime before things will go back to normal." explained Billy's Father.

Billy's Father eyes looked over the freakishly large, whale like frame, which took quite some time. He knew Billy was bigger than 95% of the other kids at school and was proud to be such a good provider. When Billy's Father was young he was always active and slim but Billy wanted to be happy instead. His Father always took good care of Billy and made sure to always affirm and support Billy's decisions about how he would conduct his life. Of course it was always a little bit of a burden supporting Billy's needs. But these were the things that made Billy, well Billy. Really, who would Billy be if he didn't have XBox live, World of War craft on the PC, PS3 for the toilet (which was a bucket that his Father would change located under Billy's custom gaming chair). This along with all the conveniences that are required by a potentially world changing individual.

Billy turned to his father and glared. A piercing glare which for a moment, his father could see Billy's eyes turn red before they went back to black. There's no denying it. Billy's dad was about to crap his pants.

"Ummm, Eggo's are going to be hard to come by lil' Billy" his Father said hesitantly.

"What?" Billy shouted, causing his body to tremble like a freshly made holiday favourite of Jello with fruit and nuts inside. The Earth shook beneath and the sky rumbled.

In a panic, "There is nothing that can be done. They had some really bad weather at two of their plants and now it will take time to rebuild them. It was weather Billy, nobody could have done anything, it was an act of God!" his Father cried.

"You don't love me, do you Father?" commented Billy.

"Of course I do Billy. I give you everything you want and need. I promise, I haven't bought myself anything. This is not my fault, I swear" reasoned Billy's Father.

"I hate you!" remarked Billy as he slowly redirected his attention back to the game. He then took his automatic custom game/wheel chair and turned it abruptly 180 degrees away from his Father.

"If you did love me you would have known to buy lots of Eggo's. You know I love Eggo's!, I love the chocolate chip, the blueberry, the cinnamon, the Home style, the strawberry, the Eggo pancakes, the Eggo French sticks, the French toast, the cereal cinnamon toast, the chocolate chip pancakes, the Eggo syrup, the Eggo twists, and the mini muffin tops. You know I do not like the Nutri-grain ones no matter their flavor" huffed Billy.

 

"And if it really was an act of God, then you should have known about it because you say you talk to him all the time. Or do you just talk to yourself?!" The angry whale shouted.  

"Nutri-grain ones Billy?" his Father inquired.

"Yeah, the ones that have been in the Freezer since you bought them 6 months ago.! A feeble attempt into feeding me something that would hurt my feelings." Billy snapped.

"I never tried to hurt you feelings Billy." his Father pouted.

"You don't love me. Because if you did love me, you would make me a chocolate cake for supper and clean my bucket." Billy stated.

"I will Billy. I will. I love you son" Billy's Father rejoiced.

"Yes, I know you do, now leave me be to mourn the Eggo shortage." Billy said.

"Of course Billy. I'll let you be alone." and Billy's Father turned away from his beastly son to walk out the door.

"Dad" said Billy.

His Father turned around quickly, a smile on his face so grim because he loves that boy so much.

"Don't forget to empty my bucket first." Billy said as he slid it forward with his shoe, towards his Dad. "Be Careful, I had six of those microwave bean burritos and they went right through me so you might want to rinse it out more than usual."

 

END OF DRAMATISATION

 

 

So what did we see here? The Eggo shortage is real ladies and gentleman. This scenario is somewhat real as well.

If you want to do the right thing and take care of your children the way you should, then you really need to follow Billy's Fathers role. Don't be the parents who think they are doing well for their kids by creating limits. Limits on candy, video games, energy drinks, cell phone plans, technology, fried foods and the like can really cause children to under develop. Kids know what is best. They are, after all, the kids and you are not, so better stock up next time.

Leggo My Eggo Mutha